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A Christmas Card From The Middleman - 2012 [Dec. 19th, 2012|11:08 pm]
themiddleblog
[Current Location |Silverlake, Los Angeles, CA]
[Current Mood |ecstaticecstatic]

HIGBEE'S CHRISTMAS PARADE - DOWNTOWN

STARDATE 1212.23

10:00 AM IN A CANONICAL, CREATOR-OWNED REALITY


In the past twelve months, The Middleman had gotten used to the feeling of utter, unadulterated and - frankly - de-goshdarn-lightful pride at the progress of his young apprentice. Without fail, the art student who had come under his tutelage a snarky, vinegar-veined quipper had turned into a reliable - if sometimes idiosyncratic - Middleman-to-be. Today was no exception - even if its events were causing him to suck air in a mad canter toward The Middlemobile, where - at the beck and call of a signal from his Middlewatch - the trunk would soon pop open to grant him access to the seldom-used-but-always-at-the-ready Middlejetpack.

The Middleman disliked the Middlejetpack: an archaic contraption harkening back to the days when former Middleman Guy Goddard - his sexual promiscuity as overt as his appetite for vehicular carnage in exotic locales - rode the thing in a green smoking jacket with a Beretta in one hand and a highball of Fleming's Commander Jamaica Rum in the other...but desperate times called for desperate measures, and flingety-flangety-foom, this time was more desperate than a Portland vegan at a Texas barbecue.

--

In the past twelve months, Wendy Watson had honed the cool and sardonic demeanor that first got her this job into a weapon as powerful as a 30-Megahurt Definit-Kil Photrazon cannon. Even now, as she made an uncontrolled ascent over the city, hands white-knuckling one of the control lines of a massive helium balloon in the shape of one of the adorable characters from "Ferrets of Fury" - the almost criminally popular game app that had taken the country's tablet and smartphone users by storm - her thoughts ricocheted with their usual post-modern tangentiality...but even as her mind ameliorated all the synaptic red alerts over her current predicament by busily trying to replace the lyric "high adventure beyond compare" from the theme to the old "Gummi Bears" cartoon show with the more descriptive "they're gelatinous with sucrose to spare" she truly could not tune out the screams of the fourteen year-old boy clutched beside her in the inflatable paws of this once adorable video game creation turned hateful harbinger of helium-filled hatred.

Wendy disliked it when the people targeted by the many villains she and The Middleman were tasked with neutralizing blew their Huggies in the face of danger, but even she had to cut this kid some slack: not only had he been put in the crosshairs by a time-traveling superbeing from three hundred years in an alternate future, he had also seen his first day volunteering at the Higbee's Department Store Christmas Parade turn into a Grand Guignol of mayhem at the hands of a hundred foot long inflatable ferret. Also, he'd grown up with the incredibly misguided name "Tiberius Davis." Poor kid, his parents really should have shown him mercy.

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[User Picture]From: heinous_bitca
2012-12-20 04:53 pm (UTC)
If you do not raise your fist in the air and echo "Art Crawl!" in response to Dubdub, then you are not a true Middlefan.
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[User Picture]From: livejournal
2012-12-20 05:25 pm (UTC)

A present for all Middlefans:

User xiphias referenced to your post from A present for all Middlefans: saying: [...] A Solstice-season crossover-fanfic present from Javier Grillo-Marxuach [...]
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[User Picture]From: sarcastibich
2012-12-20 05:34 pm (UTC)
I <3 this.
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[User Picture]From: thnidu
2012-12-20 06:59 pm (UTC)
1. DITTO
2. I'm stealing your ambigrammatical userpic. Where's it from? :-)
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[User Picture]From: metonymy
2012-12-20 07:22 pm (UTC)
You know, I had been thinking the other day what a shame it was that we didn't get a Christmas episode of The Middleman.

But this is way better.

Thank you for continuing to be the awesomest, Javi, and happy holidays.
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[User Picture]From: cereta
2012-12-20 07:39 pm (UTC)
AWESOME!
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[User Picture]From: corellianjedi
2012-12-20 07:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Javi. This is a merry Christmas indeed.
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[User Picture]From: 4hour_ramona
2012-12-20 08:22 pm (UTC)
thank you thank you
so much wonderfulness
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[User Picture]From: eriksselest
2012-12-20 08:54 pm (UTC)
I seriously had this face -> 8D while reading this. Thanks so much for this little piece of The Middleman again this year, Javi - loved it! Merry Christmas!
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[User Picture]From: kiarasayre
2012-12-21 12:26 am (UTC)
ART CRAWL!
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[User Picture]From: tigerbright
2012-12-21 01:21 am (UTC)
thank you :D
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From: (Anonymous)
2012-12-21 02:18 am (UTC)
This has seriously made my Christmas. Bring back the MIDDLEMAN!
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[User Picture]From: entwashian
2012-12-21 03:02 am (UTC)
Art Crawl, indeed! :)
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[User Picture]From: gwyn_r
2012-12-21 04:36 am (UTC)
This is a wonderful mashup of so many fannish loves. What a great present for all of us. Thank you!
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[User Picture]From: mollya
2012-12-21 05:08 am (UTC)
Midleman!
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[User Picture]From: teddywolf
2012-12-21 05:19 am (UTC)
w00t!

So, big question: how much longer does the subsection of Disney known as ABC Family maintain the rights to a show they never advertised, never ran more than once a pop unlike all their other shows, then cancelled for not getting enough gosh-darned viewers? Because sometime I'd like to see Middleman reborn on TV, maybe on one of those channels that would show succubi changing their appearances and wouldn't bleep Wendy Watson.
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